Thursday, December 11, 2014

R.I.P. Little One...

For only being 12 ounces and just 77 days old, Atom2 has had quite a busy life... Last night we snuck him into a local restaurant for a fundraiser to benefit the rescue... 

In my heart, I sorta/kinda knew that I was losing this battle with his life... I think I knew on Tuesday afternoon when he started struggling every time I tried to feed him... He did NOT want to eat or drink and that is usually the first sign I am losing the battle... I had begun to feel like an evil foster mom, shoving medications, food, replacement milk, etc... And the needles for the subQ fluids?... I started hating myself for that as well... 

But even after I had to do it to save his life?... He'd stand up, turn around and make a beeline for me and try to climb up my chest into his 'nesting spot'... 

No one who met this wee one was unaffected by his presence... You couldn't help but be amazed at how small he was and yet his 'all out there' personality... The biggest of guys turned to mush when around him... 


Tuesday night, I stayed up most of the night with him... And in my mind, yesterday I started thinking he was giving up on me... Sometimes the fight to live is such a struggle, you get tired of fighting, ya know?

Last night after the third subQ of the day, I feed him, bundled him up and crawled into bed... He cuddled up and went to sleep... 

Normally this is the time I transfer him over to his crate but the thought crossed my head that this might be his last night - the first time I'd had that thought... So I let him stay in bed with me... 

About 1:30AM, he roused up and fidgeted which I know is his 'I gotta go potty' behavior... Set him down in his crate, he did his business, I did some more syringe feeding and he pushed his way back into the bundle nest of fleece for more sleep... 

At 3AM I checked... He was doing fine... At 4AM, I woke him up to get some more fluids down and he was NOT a happy camper... About 30 minutes later, he had to potty again, then came back to the 'nest'... 

He leaned into my chest, started warming up again and went back to sleep... 

I lay there, half awake and half asleep, listening to his breathing... And for a time, I got into a false 'bubble of positive thoughts' when his breathing and Momma's on the floor were in tandem... I could feel his heart where he laid and somewhere at some level, I guess I was listening (?), feeling (?) it... Soon after 7AM, I felt his heart stop beating and now fully awake, I laid there for a second not believing what I thought I was feeling or thinking... Sorta/kinda when you wake up from a dream and not sure if you are awake or asleep still, ya know?

Sadly, Atom2 lost his battle this morning... And I am a train wreck... I would just been a temporary foster mom on his journey to a furever home, but it does not hurt any less... 


Monday, December 8, 2014

Girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do...

Atom2 is pretty much tied to my hip... Requiring feedings every two hours, I have no choice but to take him with me...  He's already been to a Simi Valley Planning Committee meeting, a mall merchants association meeting and also to the rescue shop several times... What are you going to do, ya know?

It is worse than having a baby at the age of 56... Complete with critter carrier, baby food, syringes, pitty pads, bedding change, SubQs, etc... 

I've discovered the footies work pretty good for him.... They are his size -- OK, well a bit big --- and keeps him warm, but he can't wiggle out of them easy either... 

He's been to the vet's office already... The X-ray up on the light box was bigger than him in size... We held him up and if my cell phone had not been dead, I'd have taken a photo of it... 

The vet could find nothing wrong on the Xray and then had a heck of a time trying to take blood (and enough of it) to run blood panel tests... His teeny tiny size is not thyroid, but she's still not quite sure what is going on... We've added pancreatic enzymes to his diet, but it is still quite a struggle to get 90 to 100 calories down him each 24 hour period... 

Atom2 does not like being left alone... There are times at night I have eventually just given in and allowed him to sleep with me so that I can catch an hour's worth of sleep... 

I have tried all different kinds of configurations to avoid that scenario - not that I am afraid of rolling over on him because he immediately gravitates to below your chin under your neck, but because I don't want to find any 'presents' in my bed... I can only take so much of that pitiful puppy "I'm all alone here" whining and I succumb to it... 

Along this journey of nights waking up every 2 hours to feed him, my 'batteries' are just running down... Hubby got sick running around in last week's rain and of course, I picked it up... This weekend has miserable as I am trying to keep up with him and fight off this upper respiratory... 

I'm the kind of person that if I can just get some sleep, I can kick just about anything... I don't sleep more than 5-6 hours per night anyway, but I'm just running out of steam right about now... 

My daughter and the Saturday crew at the rescue shop took a shift with him in the afternoon to give me some relief... 

And (thankfully) my daughter and her boyfriend (home on leave) took him last night so I could get a full night's sleep... As in 'will he really fit?', they sat him in a shoe and Atom2 curled up immediately and went to sleep... You will do just about anything in the middle of the night to get some sleep... Like I said earlier - it is worse than having a newborn baby... (sigh)...


Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Plan C?

This is Atom2's pout expression... 

He was pouting because he just potty'd and I didn't move quick enough to pick up the pitty pad... How dare I not be at his beck and call?... He'd just given me a string of complaints and fussing whines so I lowered the front door and grabbed the camera... 

We are now on 'Plan C' here... Atom2 does NOT want to be left alone, nor does he want to be on the floor like a regular puppy... He wants to either sit on my desk or sleep in the top of my shirt... 

I got stuff to do, ya know?  And he is not a 'hands free' Chihuahua pup at all... 

I initially had a regular Xsmall doggie crate set up for him when I had to have him somewhere secure like right NOW... He was able to turn his head sideways and chew on the bars... I was afraid he was going to break one of his puppy teeth doing that... And he does not care for the plastic kennels either... 

He cannot be trusted just to sit and stay put on the top of my desk either... He is fearless and will walk right off the top of it without hesitation... He does not have a clue how little he is... 


So, today he got his own special little safe space that can fit on the top of my desk... I cleared everything from one half of the top of my desk that I need (after all, it is my desk, huh?... and I am supposed to be working here!)... 

And yes, I put it together backwards... He's already told me about that aspect of it, but he's also not happy he can't chew on the bars either... Well, I guess he could if he really had a mind to do it, but so far, so good... 


But for now?  He's safe when I need him to be for just a few minutes... Even if it is a hamster cage.

P.S.  He is now 11 WHOLE ounces... and will be 10 weeks old on December 4th!